7 questions to ask yourself before your baby is born

Between the first-trimester fatigue and nausea, to the second-trimester burst of energy where you research everything about pregnancy and birthing, to the third-trimester of nesting and discomfort - most first time parents do not have time (or guidance) on how to prepare for PARENTHOOD itself.

Sure, you may have found the perfect stroller and bassinet for baby but the reality is that we do not live in a culture where we universally support families on how to best prepare themselves for the recovery of birth and early days of parenthood.

In my dream world, everyone would spend copious time preparing for their 4th trimester but the reality is that not everyone can or will. If you do nothing more than ask yourself the following 7 questions before labor kicks in consider yourself ahead of the curve!

1. What and how am I going to eat? You have spent 9 months nourishing your baby and your body will be nutritionally depleted and exhausted after birth. Making intentional choices around the quality of food you consume during this powerful window of time will go a long way. Batch cook nutritious food and freeze it, ask a friend to coordinate a meal sign up service, opt into a healthy postpartum food delivery service, and/or teach your partner how to cook some of your favorite dishes. The goal is to try to avoid eating take out most nights of the week and have a plan for how to eat fresh and nutritious foods that support your healing.

2. Who is allowed to visit the hospital and home after baby is born and what kind of help do I want to ask from my visitors? Protecting your energy will be key. Not to mention that if you are nursing, your breasts will be exposed more hours of the day than you realize. You will have leaky milk and not much time to shower. The last thing you will want to do is to feel like you need to get dressed for visitors - that being said, only invite people into your home whom you are completely comfortable with during the first few weeks postpartum.

3. Do I know the names and contact information for postpartum professionals in my area just in case I need some support (hint: YOU WILL!)? Ask around for referrals to a lactation consultant, postpartum doula, breastfeeding support group, Perinatal Physical Therapist who specializes in pelvic floor health postpartum, therapists who specialize in postpartum mood disorders, etc. You will be glad you did this research before the haze of newborn sleepless nights kicks in. Click here to download a postpartum professional resource template to record your new village.

4. If I am partnered, when they go back to work, who can I call upon in those first few days to come by and keep me company and/or offer help? According to this New York Times article, Paternity Leave Has Long-Lasting Benefits. So Why Don’t More American Men Take It?, most partners only take a few days of leave from work. However, no matter how long or short your partner stays home with you and baby, those first few days where they are back to work can feel lonely, strange, and downright intimidating! Consider asking a trusted family member, friend, or postpartum doula for some extra support on those days.

5. How can I protect my energy during the first 40 days after birth? Historically and in many other cultures, the postpartum period is a sacred and protected time (ranging from 30-40 days). During this time both mother and baby are looked after by others, cooked specific meals designed to heal and nourish, and confined to their homes for ensured rest and bonding. While this practice may not be realistic for the modern new parent, how can you reexamine your commitments to adopt a mindset of rest and healing in those early days? Ask yourself, can I clear my calendar and commitments to ensure I have as much time to heal and rest during these critical 40(ish) days?

6. Where am I going to spend most of my time soothing and feeding the baby? Instead of channeling your nesting energy into creating a Pinterest worthy baby nursery, why not direct some of those instincts to creating a nest for yourself? You will be spending hours in one or two spots in your house (and it’s likely not in the nursery) feeding and soothing your baby. Ask yourself, can I create a cozy nest around my house where I am comfortable and nourished?

7. What are my expectations for my partner during the fourth trimester? A new baby will bring a completely new element to your relationship that is both rewarding and challenging. Having proactive conversations ahead of time can be helpful to smooth the edges around the rapid changes coming your way in which partners depend on each other. It is worth your time to both reflect and communicate what your expectations are for your partner and encourage them to do the same. Ask yourself, how can my partner best support me and have I communicated my expectations to them? Some talking points to consider are sleeping arrangements, cooking meals, returning to work, diaper duty, bottle feeding, and birth recovery time.

Because when a baby is born, so is a mother. Cliché, I know...but truly, really think about this. You are not just birthing your baby, you are entering into a whole new world and identity as a parent - it is beautiful and messy all at once and so very deserving of some contemplation and reverence.

So grab your favorite pen, a journal, and a warm cup of tea and take 20 minutes for yourself to reflect upon these 7 questions.